Sometimes I hate my work, I mean really hate my work…. I find myself sitting on the edge of yet another precipice of my own piece of personal work and find myself thinking – “Why, why am I doing this to myself?” and SERIOUSLY considering a job as a roadside sign washer and rubbish picker upper as an option.
As the pain of life’s lessons and pushing through yet another bloody roadblock in my psyche and painful realisations dawn I just want to get the hell out here! I eat badly, I neglect myself, I fight, I scream, I kick and complain – loudly and to anyone who’ll listen should they be around.
Yes folks despite my job as a constellations and personal development coach, I am a human being too, and not immune to the process we call the human condition – it happens to me, just the same as it happens to you.
And, guess what, just because I have tools to use to help me with it, doesn’t mean that they are always the first ones that I pick up to help me either. Just like you, sometimes my first position is the well known ‘Avoidance Yoga’ position of ‘The Ostrich’ - aka head in bucket of sand position… Even though I know that this is NOT a good option, it doesn’t stop me from trying it, repeatedly, in the vain hope that it might work one time! We all know that saying about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results being a sign of insanity…
When that fails, which of course it is bound to, and I have more sand up my nostrils than the Sahara desert, its time to stop fighting the process and go to the tool box! Aha - this stuff really works, and I know it really works cos I’ve used it before – and so I get to learn, heal and grow, even if that is just the process of letting go and acknowledging that this is where I need to be right now and opening up to the loving support that I have around me – saying YES to what is right now.
To me doing this work doesn’t mean I escape my own process (despite the many, many times I wish it did), it doesn’t mean I don’t have to do my own work, what it means to me is that I hold myself accountable to my own process. In honour of myself, my clients and my system I have to dare to be human too, to dive deeply and live as fully as I can in my ecstasy and in my pain, acknowledging my humanness and my deep need for belonging too.
Only in this way can I meet You with your deep life’s questions and issues, only in this way can I sit with You without the answers and hold the space for the possibility of anything and nothing to happen as we look together at what is now in this moment – and then maybe, just maybe that next moment might possibly hold the potential to be different, and even if it doesn’t you’re no longer alone.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
Rumi